Madonna's directorial debut less than triumphant

With a plot like this, one could have safely predicted that this "romantic musical comedy-drama" which she wrote, directed and executive-produced was doomed from the start:

Filth and Wisdom is the 81-minute story of a Ukrainian immigrant who finances his dreams of becoming a rock star by moonlighting as a cross-dressing dominatrix.

Set in London it stars Eugene Hutz, the lead singer of New York gipsy punk band Gogol Bordello, in the main role of a philosophising S&M escort.

The ensemble of characters also includes a thieving pharmacy worker and a ballet dancer who is forced to lap dance.

The money quote:

The Evening Standard's Derek Malcolm said: "Madonna has far to go before she can breathe the same air as Godard, Pasolini, Fellini and Visconti, whom she insists she admires in a director's statement in which two of the four are misspelt."